I like to listen to The Equalizer while cutting myself, coz it make me feel like I'm on this amazing trip.
This song is the best and tripping as hell. Try cutting yourself to this. Promise, it feels damn good!
måndag 2 maj 2011
måndag 25 april 2011
I cut myself.
I cut myself everyday. But I can barely feel it anymore. But I want to know that mysterious sweet pain, that comes after the razor blade has penetrated my skin. I want my mind to turn blank. To only feel that itchy feeling run through the wounds on my body. I want to hear how my breathing slows down and feel how my heart becomes strangely calm.
If you asked me how all of this started, I wouldn't know the answer. It feels like it's always been like this. Cutting, starving myself, eating, purging, running for several hours a day. When did I start to detest my body? When did it start to become so ugly? I don't know. Do you?
The worst thing is that I don't want to stop, even though I know what I am doing may someday- when I take it to far, kill me. But it doesn't really matter. Because I am not afraid of dying nor being forgotten. Death is only a mere state of tranquility. When I die, I will have the privilege of always being alone. I won't feel anything, not even that sweet pain that keeps the hours, the days and weeks going right now. I won't feel anything, I won't be anything. Not old, not young, nor beautiful or ugly. Because I won't have any feelings left that can affect that immobilized body of mine.
Will I wither away and die like a lonely flower in the winter? Or will I slowly fall like a leaf in the autumn? Right now, I think I am falling. And for the moment that's all I need.
If you asked me how all of this started, I wouldn't know the answer. It feels like it's always been like this. Cutting, starving myself, eating, purging, running for several hours a day. When did I start to detest my body? When did it start to become so ugly? I don't know. Do you?
The worst thing is that I don't want to stop, even though I know what I am doing may someday- when I take it to far, kill me. But it doesn't really matter. Because I am not afraid of dying nor being forgotten. Death is only a mere state of tranquility. When I die, I will have the privilege of always being alone. I won't feel anything, not even that sweet pain that keeps the hours, the days and weeks going right now. I won't feel anything, I won't be anything. Not old, not young, nor beautiful or ugly. Because I won't have any feelings left that can affect that immobilized body of mine.
Will I wither away and die like a lonely flower in the winter? Or will I slowly fall like a leaf in the autumn? Right now, I think I am falling. And for the moment that's all I need.
I am who I am.
I am a cutter
the pain devours me like a drug.
Breath out and lower your blade in side of my skin.
Feel my flesh, my warm blood and above all
my sweet pain.
I am a liar, and I lie because I can
my soft words
you can never even tell
my life is a lie, I know because I made it up
I am young
I am old
I am nothing I am told
I am you
I am me
and all that's in between
I am happy
I am sad
I am feeling so fucking scared
I am an alcoholic, and my sweet pain is my drug
let this be the first truth that I've ever told
//Raiden
the pain devours me like a drug.
Breath out and lower your blade in side of my skin.
Feel my flesh, my warm blood and above all
my sweet pain.
I am a liar, and I lie because I can
my soft words
you can never even tell
my life is a lie, I know because I made it up
I am young
I am old
I am nothing I am told
I am you
I am me
and all that's in between
I am happy
I am sad
I am feeling so fucking scared
I am an alcoholic, and my sweet pain is my drug
let this be the first truth that I've ever told
//Raiden
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